Pretending
by iheartcoco
Summary: One night a month, thats all they have together, and they are determined to make it last. Contains swearing and light slash. Takes place in the Muggle world, incase you don't guess. One shot.


**Set shortly after The Prisoner of Azkaban, when Sirius is on the run. Reviews are always nice to come by (hint, hint).**

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**They had to change the location of their meeting each time, and tonight it was Manchester. Remus arrived first, as always, tucking himself away in the corner of a quiet little bar. He sat with his amber eyes boring in to the door, waiting in anticipation. Every so often he would raise his glass of whiskey or his cigarette to his lips, though they provided no satisfying distraction. Remus felt anxious. He hated waiting. Then finally, seventeen minutes late, the door swung open and there he was.

Remus trembled in pleasure just at the mere sight of him. He was never quite prepared for the meeting; his memory of Sirius Black never did the man himself any justice. Sirius slipped inside, head down, loping gracefully straight towards the table where Remus was sat. He looked better, Remus noted, healthier, not as gaunt, and his hair was at last starting to regain its shine. But Azkaban had altered Sirius dramatically, and some new flaws would never go away. Remus didn't care though. He loved them all.

Sirius sat down and finally lifted his head, flashing Remus the charming grin that he had always adored. Remus immediately felt ten times smaller, inadaquet, horribly ugly. He sighed. Why did Sirius always have that effect on him?

"I've missed you, Moons," Sirius confessed, his voice low, "Once a month is never enough."

Remus had to have him. But not here, not now. He quickly jumped to his feet. Sirius stared at him, one eyebrow raised. Wordlessly, Remus gripped Sirius by his arm and proceeded to tug him across the bar. People were staring but Remus ignored them. They got outside, where a light drizzle had begun to descend. Sirius laughed.

"Are we going somewhere?" He enquired.

Remus grunted and threw Sirius in to the depths of a dark and deserted alley. Sirius seemed to understand. He pulled Remus quickly in to his arms, their lips thrust together at the same time. Sirius could feel Remus's fingers gripped in his hair, tugging, desperate to renew the memory of how it felt to be this close.

"Fuck, Moony," Sirius whispered, his lips buried in the other mans neck, "I missed you."

"Want you," Remus stammered, "Need you."

"Yes, yes," Sirius gasped hurriedly, "I know."

An eruption of laughter made them both spring apart. From the pub across the road a group of people were departing. They hadn't appeared to have seen Remus or Sirius, but the reminder that there were other people out there made them both stay apart. They couldn't afford to attract attention, it was too dangerous. Sirius coughed and Remus smiled impishly at him.

Sirius suddenly turned and punched the brick wall. "This is riduculous!" He growled.

"What is?" Remus asked softly, walking over and winding an arm around Sirius's waist, nuzzling his head in the mane of black hair, comforting him.

"This isn't enough," Sirius explained quietly, "Not for me. I need you with me, all of the time. Its killing me."

Sirius dropped his head in despair. Remus sighed. "I know. I can't bear it either," He said.

Sirius turned to face him. "It won't always be like this, will it?" He said fearfully, his grey eyes wide so that he looked like a frightened child, "I won't always be on the run. I'll be free one day. _We'll_ be free. Won't we?"

Remus felt something, somewhere, deep inside him, crack. His heart, maybe? He nodded slowly. "Of course," He said, "Of course we will, Pads."

"I fucking love you, Moons," Sirius said, hissing the words through gritted teeth, "Nothing can ever change that."

"I love you too," Remus choked. He could feel tears building up, his chest was tightening painfully. He hated this.

"Lets make the most of of tonight," Sirius suggested, offering out his hand, "Lets just pretend it won't ever end."

Remus nodded. He was terrified, but he wasn't going to admit it. He knew that eventually Sirius would have to leave him again. He wished that he could sleep, just sleep forever, and only wake when it was time for Sirius to visit. Maybe then the pain wouldn't be quiet so bad. Remus took a step forward and clutched on to Sirius's waiting hand. He curled their fingers together, enjoying the smoothness and the warmth.

Sirius grinned again, and Remus realised, for the first time, that it was a different grin. It was a grin that harboured horror and madness. It was aged beyond its time. It could almost qualify for a snarl. But Sirius wanted to pretend, so he would too. He was going to pretend that the night truly was going to go on forever, and that the person he was about to share it with was the same person as he had known before.

It became obvious to him then that pretending was the fate of their whole future together. But it would only be for once a month, so how hard could it be?


End file.
